Our Fertility Journey Comes to an End

I almost didn't even have the strength to write this post after all the ups and downs over the last couple of months, but I figured I needed to end the chapter and turn the page. As it turns out, the last blood work that was at 85 was as high as it went. Once again, I ended up with a failed pregnancy at only 4 weeks. Then we started our final cycle in August and after two months of prep and dozens of shots, I had yet another devastating outcome that resulted in a biochemical pregnancy with a beta of only 36.6. The number dropped 48 hours later and that is why my decade of hopes and dreams of having a large family has finally come to an end. We have exhausted all our frozen embryos and the process to obtain more is costly and physically draining. Therefore, we say good-bye to RBA and the assistance that they provided to help us overcome the decade long battle we faced. Fortunately for us, all 7 cycles were not lost and on lucky #4, we got Myer. Looking back, I have come to realize how special he really is and it continues to amaze me that he made it here when so many others failed so quickly. As it turns out I was with my nephrologist when I got the news of the last and final pregnancy outcome, and he reassured me that I had done all I could and even more than others in my situation would have. He reminded me of the risks that I took to get Myer here and how honorable that was to potentially sacrifice my health for his. I guess that is just what a mother does, and that is why I was willing to do it again so Myer could grow up with a sibling. My doctor also made me realize just how blessed I am that Myer is a healthy, happy, and smart 4 1/2 year old because of all issues that can go along with kidney disease, preeclampsia, and pre-term labor. When you want something bad enough, you put blinders onto the world and shut all the negative out. I put my faith in God and He definitely answered with Myer, but what I didn't realize is that He was probably answering with all the failed attempts also. He was keeping me safe from all the harm to either myself or the baby that my doctor was trying to articulate. I know more than ever that Myer is my gift from God and I will continue to be reminded of that when I am feeling empty of not having anymore children. It will still hurt to see pregnant women and newborn babies, but at least I have the most adorable, loving, and sweet boy that calls me "mommy"!

Blood Test Results

So, I was convinced that I would be getting bad news yesterday and as it turned out, I am pregnant. My beta levels were a little lower than what I'd feel comfortable with, so I'll remain cautiously optimistic, but at least we still have stake in the game. When I was pregnant with Myer, my first beta was in the 300s. Currently my beta is only 85, but I'll take that over 0 any day. I will go back on Friday to see if the number has doubled. I would really like to hear it has climbed to 200 though. That would make me feel a lot better about things. As for symptoms, I have not experienced anything other than maybe some waves of fatigue. This is very different from what I remember about Myer so I'm taking it one day at a time. However, there were a lot of different factors between the two cycles. First, Myer was a fresh day 5 blastocyst. We transfered two embyros with his cycle and I'm convinced that both took at first, but one quickly arrested. As for this cycle, I transfered two frozen day 3 embryos so the circumstances are all around different. From what I've read online (because I do that a lot these days), there really shouldn't be any difference in the way or time it takes the embryo to implant, but I've just got to think that one that is two days behind may be a little sluggish. At least that is what I'm hoping for. I guess I won't know til Friday's results though. Until then, I'm pregnant and will cherish the thought. Thank you to everyone for the positive vibes, warm wishes, and strong prayers. I really did need them this time!

The 2 Week Wait

As anyone knows that has gone through IVF, the two week wait is by far the worst part of the whole process. It seems like the daily shots, raging hormones, or financial pressures would surpass the angst of a waiting period, but these 14 days will mentally break you down. Every little twinge in your stomach or sleepy yawn could be the symptom you are ready to claim as a viable pregnancy symptom. However, most pregnant women at this stage wouldn't even know that they are pregnant so trying to link something like a keener sense of smell to pregnancy hormones is basically impossible at this point. What I've learned is that you just really do have to sit and wait for the doctor to read the blood test results to you on Day 14 because no matter how much you try to justify that it did or did not work, you will only be speculating and that is not worth your sanity. So, with that said, I sit and wait for another 8 days...but who's counting? The transfer procedure went about as perfect as it could go. Our 3 embryos all made it out of their frozen state successfully. We had 1 8 cell; 1 7 cell; and 1 6 cell. We chose to transfer the 8 and 7 cell because they were further along. However, the 6 cell embryo looked good too, but our initial plan was to transfer 2 and let the 3rd continue to grow and divide. Well that 3rd embryo kept growing and eventually made it to a stage that the doctors felt comfortable enough refreezing it. Therefore, we have one embryo in the bank left in case we need it sometime in the future. If nothing else comes from the refrozen embryo, at least it gave me encouragement for the two that we had transfered because that "poorer" quality 6 cell embryo proved that it was strong too. So, like said above, there is not much to mention during these next 8 days. It really is just a waiting game. I am still taking my progesterone shots in the muscle. Thanks to Lindsay for being my personal doctor with this. I am also on Lovenox and baby aspirin. None of this really bothers me though because I know it will all be worth it in the end. Now, I just need to make it there!

IVF Retrieval Completion

I'm a couple days late on this post, but I wanted to add it in so that I can reference the stats later. I had my retrieval done on March 3. Dr. Toledo successfully got 5 eggs out of the 9-10 follicles that I had growing. 5 of the eggs were mature enough to even make it to fertilization and 3 actually fertilized. The embryologist used ICSI to ensure the eggs would fertilize. This procedure is where the doctor will manually insert the sperm into the egg rather than letting the sperm inititate the fertilization process. This was done because of the small quantity of mature eggs that I had and we didn't want to run the risk of them not fertilizing on their own. With that said, we have three 2-cell embryos on ice chilling until my body is primed and ready to take them back. The stage of the embryos this time is very different than when we got pregnant with Myer. This time the embryos were frozen on day 2 which means they only have 2 cells so far. During Myer's cycle we had two blastocyst embryos which meant they were put back in on day 5. They had 10+ cells. This is the best stage because the embryos are really starting to divide at this point and we could identify the ones that looked the best for transfer. At day 2, we really don't know the grading of the embryos and therefore, can't tell which ones look better. Dr. Toledo, Chad, and I have decided that in order to select the best 2 out of 3 (rather than putting all 3 back at once)we will thaw the embryos and see what they do by day 3. From there, we will be able to assess the quality and chose the best 2. I thought about putting all 3 back in, but I know my body can't handle the overload. I was afraid that instead of accepting just one, it would reject all 3. We will keep the 3rd growing to day 5 (if it makes it there) and refreeze it in case we need to use it in another cycle. Hopefully, we won't! :) In the meantime, I've been waiting to start the rest of the protocol because my body has to get synced back up with the meds. If you will remember, I started this process back in January and from what I've been told, we won't know the outcome until mid May. This has been the longest IVF cycle we've endured thus far. Currently, I am waiting on April 7 because that is when I start back on my Lupron shots. I will take those for two weeks and then should start my cycle. After that, I will be on some estrogen and progesterone meds to "trick" my body into thinking that I just ovulated and that I am ready for implantation. The transfer won't take place til day 18 after the start of the cycle. So as of right now, we are anticipating a May 8 date. We've still got a long way to go, but I wouldn't rather be doing anything else! I guess the silver lining is that I have at least another month of eating chocolate, turkey sandwiches and sushi! After that, it is strict diet regulations and lots of healthy food! Bring on the salads...

Egg Retrieval

So after 2 weeks of over 20 shots, 5 ultrasounds and 17 original follicles, I am ready to have 10 sizeable follicles retrieved tomorrow morning. I did my intermuscular trigger shot last night to officially tell my body that it is time to release all the eggs I've been growing. I did my 10,000 unit HCG shot mixed with 1cc of solvent last night at 8:30pm and my retrieval is exactly 36 hours later on Tuesday morning at 8:30am. The retrieval is probably the most comprehensive part of this whole process, but after they put me to sleep I usually don't remember a thing. The surgery takes about 30 min but the prep and recovery in total put you there for 2 1/2 hours. I have never had any pain after the surgery, but I do know that some people have different issues. Luckily, I've been able to just take a nap at home afterwards and then be ready to go hours later. In my 4 other IVF cycles, I've always put back a fresh embryo. However, because it took me longer to grow my eggs this time, I have stimmed past the recommended date for my lining to be adequate. Therefore, I am going to be freezing my embryos this time and the doctors will work on building my lining back up over the course of the month. According to the experts, this is the best for my body so I'll take their word for it. Chad and I have also decided to use the extra month as a time to take a vacation before we get serious about the transfer and hopefully next 8 months. I think this will help us get some well-deserved R&R. Afterall this process started in January so we are ready for some time away from all the meds but also the cold, wet weather we've had in Georgia this winter. I'm looking to go someplace that has warm sandy beaches!

Getting Ready for Phase II

So, I've finished my birth control pills and decreased my lupon dose to 5cc. Tomorrow, Feb. 14 I will begin 125mg of Ganirelix. From there, I will have a submission check on Feb. 16, and if all looks good, we will start Phase II on Feb. 17. This phase should take about 16-21 days, but I promise to blog as big milestones are met. I tried to included a picture of all my medicines but I had technical difficulties. However, in order to help gauge the size of the box, it is a cooler the size of a 20" TV. Seeing this on my counter is overwhelming at times and a constant reminder of the dedication to the process, but while most would feel scared and anxious about the shots and protocol, it helps me keep my mind off the length of time til the end result and focus on the day to day tasks. You see I'm a planner and this helps me feel a little like I'm sticking to a schedule of a process that I've learned is ultimately unpredictable. But whatever works for you to help you stay sane is 100% recommended because the less stress we pile on, the better.

IVF #5

As my faith continues to mature, I have come to understand that God uses us in many different ways to help others. I have discovered that after battling kidney disease, 3 IUIs, 4 fresh IVF cycles, 2 frozen transfers, and a couple miscarriages, the responsibility given to me from God is to help provide hope to the hopeless. It is with this honor that I am choosing to document my next fresh IVF cycle from start to finish in hopes that someone will be motivated and comforted by my story. I am 36 years old living with FSG (Focal Segmental Glomerulosclerosis), a fairly rare kidney disease for white females. I was diagnosed at age 20 while playing college soccer at Georgia State University. My prognosis is good as I've been in remission for a few years now. While I'll never be completely cured, my medications keep me stable and as a result I have not had to pursue a transplant. Backing up about 9 years ago, Chad and I decided that at age 27, we'd like to start our family. We tried unsuccessfully for 4 years. We did IUIs, Clomid, 3 IVFs, and spent thousands of dollars with only a few chemical pregnancies to show. We decided that it was time to try something new, so in 2010, we visited RBA. We were introduced to the AACEP Protocol with Follisitim and Menopur. Fortunately, this was the right choice and 34wks later, Myer was born. Of course, I endured countless shots, procedures, doctor visits, and eventually preeclampsia, but in the end it was worth it for my son to be here with us today. Some my think I'm nuts for putting my body through anymore, but the love of a child is so great and with God on my side, I know we are doing the right thing. Before going to this next round of IVF, we did attempt two frozen transfers with embryos left over from Myer's cycle, but one ended in a miscarriage at 6wks and the other never took. To start from scratch was devastating so we took some time off and thought maybe we could conceive a sibling for Myer on our own. Obviously, that didn't work out for us since the title of my post is IVF #5. However, I will say that I have read a lot of stories where natural conception takes place for so many after success with IVF. This just wasn't the path paved for us. There was a silver lining though that presented itself around October 2014 when my company switched insurance programs and infertility was finally going to be covered. We decided at that time, that we would wait til Jan. 2015 when the insurance coverage kicked in to try for baby #2. Now on January 21, 2015, I am excited to report that we have officially begun our 5th fresh and last IVF process to work on completing our family. The meds, procedures, and doctors are what help me prepare my body, but it is my faith in God that I know we will have what we need in the end. It is a long process, but my goal is to document it along the way, so that someone reading this that is scared, nervous, or contemplating their choices, can reach out to me for help. So, on day 1 of this process, I have started my first birth control pill. I will take these til Feb. 10. Lupron shots will be added during this time starting on Feb. 4-13. From there, I will start another injection called Ganirelix on Feb.14-16. That is phase I, the easier segment, of this cycle. Stay tuned for Phase II to begin shortly after mid Feb. All in all this entire process will take around 60 days, so I've got a lot of posts coming! Thanks for checking in and if you know of anyone that is going through or considering assisted reproductive technology, please feel free to pass along my blog address or facebook page. Until next time.... Jill